Teacher World

Another devastating story of a young man, only 14-years old, who has taken his life in what looks to be another case of bullying, hit the news on September 18, and people across the United States are mourning along with the family in the wake of this recent tragedy.

Jamey Rodemeyer, from Williamsville, New York, was found dead outside his home, after taking his own life. His parents, Tracy and Tim, reported that Jamey has been bullied due to his sexuality for years, but things got worse for him when he was in middle school.

According to Jamey’s parents and friends, he was tormented relentlessly on social networking websites where people posted hateful comments because of his sexuality. One post said, “JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND [sic] UGLY. HE MUST DIE!”

Another post read, “I wouldn’t care if you died. No one would. So just do it It would make everyone WAY more happier!”

Jamey blogged about being bullied and even wrote of his thoughts of committing suicide. He posted this comment on his Facebook page, “I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens. …What do I have to do so people will listen to me?” And he wrote, “No one in my school cares about preventing suicide, while you’re the ones calling me [gay slur] and tearing me down.”

Tracy and Tim had gone to the school to try to get some help for their son, and Jamey had also spent some time talking to the counselor. And when he came out, telling people he was bisexual, he received encouragement from his friends and family, which seemed to give him hope.

Jamey even posted a message in May to other kids like him on the YouTube website, It Gets Better project. In it, he talks about how difficult and relentless the bullying had been and that it felt at times that he couldn’t escape it. Yet, he encouraged those listening to fight off the bullies, and told them he was doing better.

He spoke about Lady Gaga who has staunchly supported gays and lesbians and has spoken out about bullying. He said she had given him hope, and made his life easier. He said, “She makes me so happy, and she lets me know that I was born this way.”

He ended his message saying, “So, just listen here. It gets better, and look at me. I’m doing fine…”

Jamey was a freshman this year at Williamsville North High School, and he seemed to be doing better. His parents said he seemed happy and stronger, and his friends described him as caring and friendly. Jamey had been getting help from a social worker and therapist to deal with his issues.

In spite of signs that seemed to indicate Jamey was doing better, he took his own life on September 18, leaving behind grieving parents and friends.

The Rodemeyers hope to use this tragedy to spread a message of acceptance and anti-bullying. Tim told reporters, “To the kids who are bullying they have to realize that words are very powerful and what you think is just fun and games isn’t to some people, and you are destroying a lot of lives.”

And Tracy hopes that the tragic loss of their son will help teach a message of tolerance. “It took him away from our family way too early and we’re just convinced that he had a purpose on this planet and it was to touch as many people as he could.”

Jamey’s hero, Lady Gaga was clearly saddened by Jamey’s unnecessary death. She paid tribute to Jamey at the iHeartRadio Festival in Las Vegas this past weekend, dedicating her song “Hair” to young Jamey.

With Jamey’s picture on the big screen, Lady Gaga made this emotional comment before she sang her song, “I wrote this record about how your identity is really all you’ve got when you’re in school … so tonight, Jamey, I know you’re up there looking at us, and you’re not a victim.”

Earlier, Lady Gaga had expressed her grief on twitter, writing: “The past days I’ve spent reflecting, crying, and yelling. I have so much anger. It is hard to feel love when cruelty takes someones life. Bullying must become illegal. It is a hate crime. I am meeting with our President. I will not stop fighting. This must end. Our generation has the power to end it. Trend it #MakeALawForJamey.”

Tracy Rodemeyer said that her son would be buried in the shirt that meant so much to him. It proudly proclaims: “Born This Way.”

I leave you with these sobering statistics, as reported on ABC World News: In the last year that statistics are available, it was reported that 39% of America’s sixth-graders reported being bullied. Those statistics shrunk in high school, where it was reported that about 20% of seniors reported being bullied.

But here is the tragedy: While the numbers shrunk for most high school students, they remained the same for gay and lesbian students, with 90% reporting being bullied.

Lady Gaga is absolutely right when she says this is a hate crime, and it must be stopped.

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As promised, here is my second blog regarding the lawsuits filed against Minnesota’s Anoka-Hennepin School District due to their “pervasive anti-gay harassment,” according to the two advocacy groups who filed the suit, and the debate surrounding this district’s neutrality policy when it comes to LGBT students. (I would suggest that you read yesterday’s blog in order to better understand the major issues in this case.)

The Anoka-Hennepin School District has seen seven teen suicides in less than two years, which has some in the community questioning the district’s neutrality policy which basically says that teachers are not to express opinions regarding their students’ sexual orientation, but instead are to remain neutral on this subject. According to this policy, any discussions of this nature are to be left to parents to deal with at home.

So the debate rages over the ability of teachers to effectively deal with bullying of gay or lesbian students, or those who are perceived to be gay or lesbians if they have been basically “muzzled” by this policy. Adding to the debate, is the Safe Schools Improvement Act, which is legislation making its way through Congress. Its goal is to deal with the bullying of LGBT or perceived gay or lesbian students. It states the following reasons for needing to pass this act:

“Bullying and harassment of students who are, or are perceived to be, lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) is widespread.  While current federal law provides important support to promote school safety, it does not comprehensively and expressly focus on issues of bullying or harassment, and in no way addresses the unique challenges faced by LGBT youth.  Studies have shown that bullying and harassment of LGBT youth in schools contributes to high rates of absenteeism, dropout, adverse health consequences and academic underachievement.  When left unchecked, such bullying and harassment can lead to, and has led to, dangerous situations for young people.”

This act, which would require the instituting of stricter codes of conduct regarding this kind of harassment, has both sides of this issue pretty stirred up.

Anderson Cooper of CNN interviewed Candi Cushman, who represents the conservative group Focus on the Family. This conservative Christian group feels that gay activists are using this bullying issue to push their own agenda in the schools.

Cooper asked her how she would suggest stopping the bullying of gays, lesbians, or kids who are perceived to be one of these if you can’t mention the words gay or lesbian. Her answer was that you should address the issue of the bullying itself rather than the reason for the bullying. When Cooper tried to pin Cushman down as to whether she would be okay with teachers identifying other forms of bullying, such as bullying of students because of their race for example, Cushman again glossed over the point he was trying to make by again focusing on gay rights activists using this legislation to promote their lifestyle and the need to only address the bully’s behavior rather than his reason for the behavior.

Dr. Eliza Byard, the executive director for GLSEN, the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network, which supports the Safe School Improvement Act, rebutted a neutral approach to dealing with bullying of gay and lesbian students saying, “The fact is, and the data bears out, if you don’t mention the specific problem, teachers don’t act and students don’t have a better experience. Our bill would cover all students, but indicates specifically that you must also include attention to these characteristics. And when you do, our data shows rates of harassment and victimization of LGBT, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender students goes down. If you don’t mention that, there’s no effect.”

Rosalind Wiseman, writer of Queen Bees and Wannabes, told Cooper, “This is not just about the gay kids in school; this is about everybody because bullying does not exist without homophobia.”

She explained that kids are trying to prove that they belong, and if they speak out against something they feel is wrong, it is not uncommon for other students to call them gay, which paralyzes them from speaking out against future cruelty.  “And so it’s not just about the gay kids being safe, which I believe a hundred percent they have the right to be. It’s also about everybody in the school feeling that they have the right to speak out,” Rosalind continued.

Wiseman said, “So we can have policies that are about ideal reality or we can have policies that are about concrete reality and reflect what children are experiencing. And that’s when we become relevant to young people.”

“If you take out that language of naming the behavior, it becomes so amorphous that there is nothing to talk about, there’s no place to talk, there’s no place for that kid to define what is happening to him, and they also feel like they’re so ashamed that this is, you know, they can’t talk about it, these words are not allowed to be talked about. And so then they lose the whole process and the whole ability to have the conversation. They become silent.”

Liza summarized by saying, “The Safe Schools Improvement Act is about behavior not beliefs…Bullying is a dynamic in a classroom. Bullies need our help, victims need our help, and bystanders need our help. They need adults to act to take care of the culture of that classroom and build a culture of respect.”

Okay, here comes my opinion. First, as a fifth-grade teacher, I hear the words gay and fag bandied about all of the time. To pretend our kids aren’t saying these words and calling each other these names is utterly ridiculous. And I have had many students over the years, who already at fifth-grade are clearly questioning their sexuality or being bullied for perceived gay or lesbian tendencies. Again, to believe otherwise, as Rosalind said, is not the reality we see in schools today.

Our kids grow up being afraid of saying or doing something that will label them different in any way, just as much as they worry about looking different because they know that opens the door for bullying and teasing. Homophobia is alive in our schools and our neighborhoods. If we can’t use the words to describe the behavior, we send a clear message that, while the bullying is bad, so is the behavior that brought on the bullying.

We need to face reality and stop being so afraid of it. We have always had LGBT kids in our schools. We can’t ignore them away or bully them away, and we shouldn’t. They are as beautiful as any other student in our classrooms and deserving of our respect and protection.

It is my job, just as it is every teacher’s job, to treat these children as I would any other and to name behavior that does not treat students with respect for what it is, refusing to allow it in my classroom. I don’t care if you’re overweight, very tall, very short, wear glasses, have a big nose, big feet, gay, lesbian, or whatever. No one deserves to be bullied, and it is my job, because I am a teacher, to do everything I can to create a safe, healthy environment for every student in my classroom.

I refuse to be neutral about that. And I bet a lot of  Anoka-Hennepin teachers feel the same way.

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I am aware that I will probably stir things up a little bit with the following blog, but I feel that it is a timely issue that schools everywhere are dealing with, and it simply can’t be ignored.

You may have been following the news out of Minnesota’s largest school district, the Anoka-Hennepin district, which is under federal investigation by the Department of Justice and the Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights due to a complaint regarding “allegations of harassment and discrimination in the Anoka-Hennepin School District based on sex, including peer-on-peer harassment based on not conforming to gender stereotypes.”

Additionally, the Southern Poverty Law Center and the National Center for Lesbian Rights filed a federal lawsuit last Thursday due to “pervasive anti-gay harassment” in this district’s schools.

What has lead to all of this? Well, in less than two years this district has seen seven students commit suicide. Four of these students were gay, perceived to be gay, or questioning their sexuality, and at least two of them were bullied because of their sexuality, according to parents and friends.

This school district adopted a sexual orientation curriculum policy in 2009, which has been dubbed the neutrality policy, which states that staff members are to “remain neutral on matters regarding sexual orientation” and that “such matters are best addressed within individual family homes, churches or community organizations.” In other words, this curriculum policy effectively bars teachers from taking a position on homosexuality or even addressing the issue with their students.

Jeri Schultz, a teacher in the system, told CNN, “There’s so much we can do and say to help create a more accepting and affirming and welcoming environment that would eliminate some of that bullying in the first place.”

While this is not a statewide policy, at least eight other states, including Alabama, Arizona, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah, have limits on classroom instruction regarding homosexuality.

Those within the community who support this neutrality policy state that it is constitutional and is also consistent with the Minnesota Human Rights Act, which protects rights based on sexual orientation. But they feel that there is nothing in this law that should be understood to “authorize or permit the promotion of homosexuality or bisexuality in education institutions.”

Meanwhile, Anoka-Hennepin’s Superintendent Dennis Carlson publicly denied any connection between bullying and the suicides, saying in a voicemail to the staff, “Based on all of the information we’ve been able to gather, none of the suicides were connected to bullying or harassment.” And he defended the district’s neutrality policy to CNN saying, “It’s a diverse community, and what I try to do as superintendent is walk down the middle of the road.”

But some would question if the issue of students’ sexual orientation or their perceived orientation and students’ homophobia is something teachers can remain neutral on while, at the same time, creating a safe environment for all students.

Educator, bullying expert, and author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, Rosalind Wiseman said, “The problem with neutrality is that it doesn’t look neutral to the target or the bully. It looks like you are siding with the bully. And so, if you can’t name, on top of that, the behavior that’s happening because you have to take a neutral stand, then what it looks like to the child and to everybody around is that that homosexuality or that gossiping is so ashaming and so, you know you can’t talk about it, that the child will never come forward. So if the teachers are muzzled or there is a perception that the teachers are muzzled, then our children are never going to come forward.”

Rosalind also spoke on behalf of teachers when she said, “There is the belief that somehow if we give the teachers the opportunity to reach out to students and say, ‘You are okay, at base whoever you are,’ that that will then go from that to jumping into gay marriage. And that really, to me, is about why don’t we have faith in the people in that community to do right by their kids?”

Meanwhile, when Candi Cushman, education analyst for CitizenLink the policy arm for Focus on the Family and a staunch supporter of this neutrality policy, was asked by CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta if she objected to telling kids that there is nothing wrong with being gay in order to foster an atmosphere of safety in the classroom, she sidestepped the question with more talk about the right of parents to decide how or when these issues would be addressed. Which tells me that she would definitely object to teachers sending this message to gay or lesbian students.

Okay, I gave you a little taste of both sides of this hot debate out of Minnesota. But since it is such a controversial subject, I am going to end this blog here, and follow up tomorrow with more on this debate, including my own opinion (and believe me I have a strong one on this topic).

But first, we would love to hear your opinions on this school district’s neutrality policy. Do you agree that all conversation regarding children’s sexual orientation should take place at home, or are you in favor of teachers being given the freedom to address these issues as they occur, openly and honestly, in a classroom in order to foster a greater sense of acceptance?

Tell us how you feel!

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I am thrilled to share an amazing story with you today about a punk rock group out of Chicago, which is standing up for gay and lesbian teens in a big way.

The punk rock group called Rise Against has made an amazing video which shows young people being bullied because of their sexual orientation. “Make it Stop, September’s Children” is a powerful video, which shows three young people being bullied to the point where they are each contemplating suicide,

Tim McIlrath, the lead singer for Rise Against explained to HLN why he wrote this song right now: “I think as a songwriter I felt compelled to put this song together in the wake of the gay teen suicides that hit the headlines in September, 2010. And then also as a member of the rock scene, of the bigger rock scene that can be so male-dominated and testosterone-driven. I feel like this scene has failed to comment, or at least send out a message about where we stand on this, and I wanted our fans to know where we stood, and I wanted to be a part of the solution really.”

The ending of this video is quite remarkable! Instead of the three teens in the video committing suicide, as they were clearly preparing to do, it fast forwards to their futures, where they are all celebrating their individual, beautifully successful lives. And, as if it needed a more hope-filled ending than that, the band tied into the “It Gets Better” project, which I have blogged about in the past, showing video clips of some of the people who shared their stories on this amazing YouTube program to encourage gay and lesbian teens not to give up hope in the face of bullying, but to stay strong because it does get better.

When the host of HLN’s Showbiz Tonight asked if Tim thought there was enough being done to get the message of hope out there to young people who are being bullied because of their sexual orientation, McIlrath said, “Not enough! There can be more done for sure. And certainly, we live in the microcosm of the rock community and the Rise Against community, and we’re doing what we can to talk to our fans and let them know where we stand. And I hope more bands do that, especially from our world because, like I said, I think our world has sort of failed to really get active here and let people know why we need to support gay rights, why we need to support gay teens.”

In the wake of Tracy Morgan’s outrageous anti-gay and anti-lesbian comments recently, this video is a powerful message of hope which, with luck, will drown out the voices of people like Morgan, who speak messages of ignorance and hatred.

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The Escambia County School District in Pensacola, Florida, is trying to live up to its motto: “making a positive difference.” And Superintendent Malcolm Thomas thinks he has found one way to do just that.

Thomas has become alarmed over the increase in teen suicides in the last few years, especially those that seem to be related to bullying. “I do think it is a growing concern among parents and people in the community, and lots of times the person being bullied – they’re a little intimidated by going to someone in authority and reporting,” Thomas said.

In order to make that process is a little easier for students, a website has been developed which students can access online. In a relatively short amount of time, they can report bullying or harassment incidents, even if they choose to report these incidents anonymously. Thomas showed Fox 10 News how easy it is; you simply click on the website, click the problem tab, enter your school or area, describe what occurred, and click submit. The reports go to the administrator for that particular student’s school.

Thomas was quick to say that the entries guarantee that an investigation will take place, but the validity of the report must be proven before any action would be taken. “We’re not going to go out on a witch hunt just because someone gave us an anonymous tip. We’re going to have to be able to prove it,” Thomas said.

Thomas’s reasons for starting this website are clear; he never wants to hear of a teen suicide in his district due to bullying. “No one ever wants to be in that position. I certainly don’t want to be there in Escambia School District, to think that we could have prevented it if we’d just known,” Thomas said.

Bridgette Rich, who was interviewed by Fox 10 News said she could see where it could have benefits, but didn’t think many students would use it. But Teresa Barham said, “It should make them feel more comfortable being able to report any harassment they’re receiving, so I think it’s a great idea.”

Thomas feels that this website will have a positive effect on kids, especially those who face harassment and bullying. And he plans to have it up and running on the school’s website starting next fall.

So, let me start out and tell you what I think, then hopefully you will tell us what you think. First of all, I am confident that there will be many students who will use this website to report bullying incidents. And I am hopeful that those that are legitimately reported will be handled promptly and strictly.

But, here is my fear. Kids will be kids. Some students will use this website as a tool to get kids they don’t like in trouble, manufacturing stories that are not true, especially since reports can be anonymous. These false allegations, at the least, will slow the intended process of dealing with real situations of bullying down. At the worst, innocent people may get accused of things they haven’t done, or kids will begin to lose confidence in the website’s effectiveness to attack harassment and bullying.

In spite of my concerns, I think it is a positive plan for reporting and confronting bullying in schools, and I plan to keep my eye on the Escambia County School District next year to see whether Thomas’s plan is successful.

So, what do you think? Please take a few minutes and tell us your opinion.

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The last teen in the Phoebe Prince bullying case has been exonerated of all charges in connection with her suicide.

Austin Renaud was charged with statutory rape for allegedly having sexual relations with Phoebe, a 15-year old student at South Hadley High School in Massachusetts, who committed suicide after months of relentless bullying at the hands of six teens. Phoebe’s family asked that the charges against Renaud be dropped, so prosecutors complied and dropped the charges last week in “the interests of justice.”

On Thursday, March 13, Renauld thanked Phoebe’s family for dropping the charges against him. In a statement released through Terrence M. Dunphy, his attorney, he said, “I…want to express my deep appreciation to the Prince family for their intervention with the authorities and their recommendation to drop charges brought against me as a result of the investigation of the death of Ms. Prince. This has been a very difficult and emotional experience for all involved, and their kindness and consideration is appreciated.”

He went on to say, “I want to express my sympathy and condolences to the family. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with her family as they endure the pain of the passing of Phoebe.”

Renauld plans to continue his high school education. He is hopeful that the public and media will allow him the privacy he will need in order to focus on his studies and get on with his life.

I am very glad that this young man chose to make restitution with Phoebe’s family and acknowledge their mercy. He seems to sincerely understand the ordeal this family has faced due to the insensitive bullying their daughter faced from the six teens involved.

In each case, the other five teens pled guilty to lesser charges. And in each case, the family agreed to accept the lesser pleas in order to move on.

I truly hope that now that the legal proceedings are done in this tragic case, this family can finally begin the healing process. And I also hope that the teens involved will realize that this has been a wake-up call for them to learn compassion and to practice tolerance.

And just maybe, some would-be bullies out there learned the same lesson if they followed the case.

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Is it me, or is the month of May turning into bullying-plea-bargain season? Just when I think I’ve covered every plea bargain out there, here’s one more, this time from Trenton, New Jersey.

You remember the case from Rutgers University involving the video taping of Tyler Clementi in an encounter with another boy by his roommate, Dharun Ravi who was aided by Molly Wei. The video was posted online for others to see leading to Tyler’s apparent suicidal jump off the George Washington Bridge.

This past Friday, Molly Wei pleaded not guilty to two counts of invasion of privacy. The deal she accepted requires she be admitted into a three-year pretrial intervention program. If she completes that program without additional legal troubles, the two invasion of privacy charges, which she received for allegedly watching the video with Tyler, will be dropped, according to a statement from the Middlesex County Prosecutor’s Office.

But, that’s not all! Wei will also have to complete 300 hours of community service, participate in counseling which centers on cyber bullying and alternate and cultural lifestyles, and (and this is a biggie) she must testify against Ravi.

According to authorities, Ravi was the one who placed the camera in the room without Tyler’s knowledge and accessed it remotely. Then, according to Middlesex County Prosecutor Bruce J. Kaplan, he “provided others an opportunity to view the encounter.”

As if this wasn’t bad enough, Ravi tried to view a second encounter between Tyler and the same male two days later. He then alerted others on Twitter of the planned meeting. Then, according to the statement, he deleted the tweet, replacing it with a false one in order to mislead investigators.

Ravi has been indicted by a grand jury on 15 counts which include invasion of privacy, bias intimidation, tampering with physical evidence, witness tampering, and hindering apprehension of prosecution. He is to be arraigned on May 23.

Wei remained silent after the brief hearing, but her lawyer claimed that she isn’t a bully and has been cooperative with both the investigation and the prosecutor’s office.

In the meantime, Tyler’s father, Joe, read a statement outside the courtroom in which he said that the charges were a direct result of Wei’s “bad decisions without regard for another person’s privacy or dignity. … We are here to say that we are committed to do what we can to reinforce calls for compassion and respect for human dignity that have been made in response to Tyler’s experience…”

“Actions have consequences,” he concluded. “We hope Ms. Wei will become a better person and show kindness to people.”

I reported earlier today regarding the plea agreements in the Phoebe Prince case. As I compare these two situations, I must applaud the judge of this West Windsor, New Jersey court, and anyone else who helped draft this agreement, for a job well-done. This, as far as I am concerned, is a much more appropriate plea agreement; one that better fits the crime.

The extended length of time, three years rather than just one or less than one year, seems fairer. And I think it is awesome that during this time she will do 300 not just 100 hours of community service. This service will take time, it will be inconvenient, and it will be a constant reminder to her of what she did and what she must never do again.

And why wasn’t counseling a criteria in the Prince pleas? How appropriate that Wei will be a captive audience as she explores the difference between insensitivity and compassion for people who face cyber bullying or who live an alternative lifestyle.

Molly has been offered the chance of a lifetime; the chance to learn from her mistakes, to be a better, more sensitive person who accepts others even when they are different from her.

This agreement lends itself to true restitution and rehabilitation. I commend this court for coming up with a set of firm, yet fair, requirements which, if followed, will strengthen this girl’s spirit rather than crush it.

Good luck to you, Molly Wei. Use this time wisely, for your sake and for Tyler’s.

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I recently wrote a blog about Billy Lucas, the 15-year old Greensburg High School student who took his life after months of relentless bullying from students who assumed he was gay. There was a reason for my writing about an incident that occurred last September.

I want to tell you about a wonderful message of hope that sprang from this tragedy; I want you to listen to Dan Savage, if you haven’t already done so. This is a truly inspirational plea to teens like Billy who face bullying due to their actual or perceived sexual orientation.

Dan Savage is the creator of a syndicated sex-advice column called “Savage Love”. After reading about Billy Lucas, Savage said he wished he could have had five minutes to talk to him before he made his fateful decision to end his life. He wished he could have told him “however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.”

That’s when he decided, although it was too late to help Billy Lucas, it was not too late to talk to the millions of kids who were growing up just like him; those kids who were dealing with harassment and bullying because of their real or perceived sexual orientation. He and his husband, Terry Miller, posted a video in which they talked about the issues they faced as teenagers because they were gay. They addressed the bullying and harassment they faced especially in high school and admitted that it was a horrible time in their lives.

But the real message of their video was that they not only got through it but have a wonderful life, surrounded by family and friends who support them. They talked about their favorite memories and the joy they have shared through the adoption of their son. They spoke of hope and living life fully. But most of all, the message that resonated throughout their video was: “Hang in there. You will get through high school, and things will get better.”

“When a gay teenager commits suicide, it’s because he can’t picture a life for himself that’s filled with joy and family and pleasure and is worth sticking around for,” Savage said. “So I felt it was really important that, as gay adults, we show them that our lives are good and happy and healthy and that there’s a life worth sticking around for after high school.”

This simple video was the birth of a wonderful project which has been embraced by other gay, bisexual, and transgender adults. The goal of the It Gets Better Project is to show youth who face bullying of any kind, but specifically bullying due to their sexual orientation, that life does get better. The goal is to encourage and fortify them so that they get through the rough years in order to enjoy the better years to come.

Their project received national coverage after the apparent suicide of 18-year old Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers University student who committed suicide after his roommate and a friend posted a video of him in a sexual encounter with another man.

This time, Savage lamented that the videos were too late for Tyler. “Anybody whose privacy was invaded the way Tyler Clementi’s privacy was invaded would’ve been outraged, humiliated and embarrassed and angry, but we have to ask ourselves: What pushed him to suicide?” Savage said. “I believe that this video invasion of his privacy, this streaming of this intimate, private moment, this outing was the last straw. And I suspect that Tyler Clementi, as we find out more about him, we’ll find that he was a victim of bullying in high school, bullying in middle school … It’s really hard to look at this suicide and not see, perhaps, the culmination of years and years of abuse, and a moment — for Tyler Clementi — of despair.”

After the Clementi case, the It Gets Better Project was literally flooded with videos from all over the world submitted by LGBT individuals who wanted to share their stories as well. And while their messages of hope have been truly inspirational, Savage worried that once media focus shifted to something else, people would forget that there were so many other young people facing the same abusive behavior all over the world. Therefore, he has promised to continue sending positive messages to young people through It Gets Better as long as possible.

“It’s been so overwhelming, [and] we want to create an archive that lives online forever, for each generation of gay kids coming up, so they can go there and they can see these stories,” Savage said. “I’m hearing from mothers of bullied gay teenagers who are sitting down to watch these videos together and taking such hope for their futures, and that’s what I want to see. I want to see the people who need to see these videos finding their way to them. Not just today or tomorrow, but whenever.”

I know that these videos have been around for awhile, and some of you have probably already viewed a few of them. But, if you haven’t seen them yet, I encourage you, whether you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, straight, bullied, not bullied, or a bully yourself, to watch them. They are beautiful messages of hope at a time when so many young people need to hear words that will give them the courage to continue on.

Click on these links to hear President Obama, Adam Lambert, and Glee’s Max Adler’s videos on It Gets Better. Explore some more on your own, and if you know a young person who needs to hear words like these to encourage and strengthen them to hang in, please pass the message on as well as the website.

We must teach children that suicide is not the answer; it does get better!

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Yesterday, I blogged about Sharon Chanon Velazquez, one of the teens accused of bullying Phoebe Prince. Well, what a surprise! Yesterday, five of the six defendants who are being charged in connection with this case also admitted to lesser charges in order to avoid the more serious charges facing them.

Sharon Chanon Velazquez, Kayla Narey, Ashley Longe, Flannery Mullins, and Sean Mulveyhill faced felony and misdemeanor charges, which include civil rights violations, causing bodily injury, criminal harassment, and disruption of a school assembly. According to a source directly involved in this case, the five of them will be allowed to plead guilty to the lesser charge of harassment, thus avoiding all of these more serious charges.

Additionally, Flannery and Velazquez faced stalking charges and Mulveyhill was being charged with statutory rape. These charges will also be dropped under the agreement.

If the pleas are approved by the judge, the teens will probably receive probation, although they could receive up to 2 ½ years in jail. Other charges may remain: Longe is charged with assaulting Prince by throwing an energy drink in an aluminum can at her, and Austin Renaud still faces statutory rape charges. At this point, Renaud’s lawyer hasn’t been discussing a possible deal.

All but Renaud have court dates either on May 5 or 6. Renaud has a pretrial conference scheduled for July 6.

Phoebe Prince’s family could not be reached for comment. But one can only assume they are heartbroken as they face the likelihood that little will be done to punish those who played a role in their daughter’s tortured existence and eventual suicide.

And what about other parents at South Hadley High School who have rallied around this family? They are appropriately outraged by the news from yesterday.

 “I think it’s horrible,” said Dawn Berard, the mother of a student at South Hadley High School, where Prince was a 15-year-old Irish transfer student. “This case was like the shot heard around the world. It got people thinking about bullying. And because of that, all eyes are on these kids. (Authorities) need to send the message that if you bully someone to death, you will face the consequences.”

“If Judge Daniel Swords accepts the plea deals, he should order them to speak out against bullying in schools,” said parent Barrie Chambers-Leonard. “There’s a girl in a grave in Ireland.”

A few short months before Phoebe Prince committed suicide, Barbara Coloroso, an expert on bullying, had lectured about bullying at the school. Asked about this case, she stated that any sentence should include “restitution, resolution, and reconciliation.”

She explained that the only way these teens will learn from their mistakes is if they publicly admit what they did, make sure that any and all derogatory remarks that were made about Prince on the Internet are removed, even if they have to pay someone to do it, and they need to speak to other teens regarding the mistakes they made publicly in schools in order to send a different message to teens about bullying. Finally, she said these teens must find a way to reach out to the Prince family in order to express their remorse.

 Coloroso added, “I have never believed in the fist of vengeance, but I also want them held accountable.”

The sad truth is that if these teens are not admitting to everything that they did, if they are still covering up their vicious behavior and the roles they played in Phoebe’s suicide, hiding behind the lesser charge of harassment, it is extremely unlikely that “restitution, resolution, and reconciliation” are going to occur.

How will probation wake kids like this up? What message will be sent by this weak punishment? Where is the accountability, and how is this court sending a message that will make other kids stop and think before they bully others?

I am disheartened tonight to read this news. An opportunity to teach young children about accountability has been lost. And I am so deeply angry that a family, who has had to endure the worst possible tragedy, will continue to feel the hopelessness and pain that they have felt ever since their daughter had the misfortune of colliding with these viciously relentless bullies.

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You may recall the tragic story of a 15-year old Irish immigrant who killed herself in January of 2010, after being relentlessly bullied by a group of students at her school. Let me refresh your memory about the case first and then give you an update about her bullies.

Phoebe Prince was a pretty, young girl whose parents, Jeremy and Anne O’Brien Prince, had moved from County Clare in Ireland to Massachusetts with five kids just before her freshman year. Phoebe had a difficult time at South Hadley High School which seemed to stem from the fact that she briefly dated a senior on the football team who happened to be an on-again, off-again boyfriend of one of the girls who became her tormentor.

This is when the bullying intensified; Phoebe was called an Irish slut and other verbal insults at school and over the phone, was cornered in the bathroom by one of the bullies, threatened physically, and stalked on the Internet. She received bullying texts, and harassing messages were regularly posted on Facebook.

Two days before she was to attend the winter cotillion with a boy at the school, Phoebe was walking home when one of the bullies drove past hurling an energy drink at her along with terrible insults before driving away.

Phoebe continued walking home straight to her closet where she hung herself. She was found there by her sister who called the police.

But the sick tragedy doesn’t end there, because these lovely girls who had driven her to the edge wrote more heartless messages about her on a Facebook page which had been created in her memory. Who is that evil?

Well, five teens apparently, because two months after her death, they were charged with offenses connected to the alleged bullying. A sixth teen is being charged with statutory rape for having sexual contact with Phoebe, who was underage. Of course, all of these teens pled not guilty.

The first of these teens, Sharon Chanon Velazquez, struck a plea agreement with prosecutors this past Tuesday. If the plea agreement is accepted, it would be the first case to be resolved in connection with Phoebe’s suicide.

Velazquez and two other teenage girls are charged with stalking, criminal harassment, and violation of Prince’s civil rights. Velazquez and her two friends, Ashley Longe and Flannery Mullins were angry over the fact that Phoebe went out with Austin Renaud, who was Mullins’ sometimes boyfriend. They have been charged in juvenile court.

Austin Renaud and Sean Mulveyhill are facing statutory rape charges, and Mulveyhill and Kayla Narey, his ex-girlfriend, also face the same civil rights charges that Velazquez, Longe, and Mullins face, but they were older when they were charged, so their cases will be heard in superior court.

Prosecutors described Velazquez as displaying “a pattern of assaultive conduct” including crude insults and violent threats toward Phoebe. Longe is charged with calling Phoebe terrible names like “Irish whore” and “stupid slut” in the school library, throwing a drink at her in a can and yelling more insults at her on the day Phoebe committed suicide. And Mullins threatened to beat Phoebe up, cornered her in the school’s bathroom, repeatedly called her names like Irish slut, and posting derogatory comments about her on Facebook.

According to prosecutors, on top of the charges that these teens face in juvenile court proceedings, Longe, Mullins, and Velazquez face separate delinquency cases listing the same alleged offenses and criminal harassment charges. Additionally, Longe is being charged with assault, under delinquency statutes.

So, no big surprise that Velazquez’s attorney would try for a plea bargain, huh? The terms of this deal haven’t been disclosed yet in the motion which was filed Tuesday in juvenile court. Meanwhile, her attorney and prosecutors will present it to a judge for consideration on May 5.

I guess my gut reaction is that whatever is proposed in this plea bargain for Velazquez’s punishment will never be enough. I know that these kids’ parents have lawyered up. I get that, but do they realize the devastation their actions have created? Do they see that bullying and stalking and degrading another human being are truly criminal offenses? Do they lay awake wishing they could take back the things they said, the threats they made, the insults they posted? Do they think at all about this wasted life; this beautiful, young girl who will never have the opportunity to reach her potential and to embrace this country her parents brought her to for a better life?

If they are allowed to walk away from the devastation they caused with a minor slap on the wrist, will they walk away changed, or will they remain the mean-spirited, revenge-driven, evil predators who were emboldened by their misguided sense of justice to willfully and maliciously stalk and batter a defenseless, young girl whose only crime was to date someone’s occasional boyfriend?

Justice must prevail, or this kind of behavior will prevail!

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