Teacher World

A new state law in New Jersey to curb bullying in their schools is being called the toughest legislation against bullying in the nation, and it’s receiving both support and apprehension.

The new law, called the Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights was motivated by public uproar over the suicide of Rutgers University freshman, Tyler Clementi, almost a year ago. It requires all public schools to adopt comprehensive anti-bullying policies (there are 18 pages of “required components”) to increase staff training, and to comply with strict deadlines for reporting episodes.

Each school is required to designate an anti-bullying specialist, whose job it is to investigate all complaints of bullying in their school, and each district must appoint an anti-bullying coordinator. Additionally, every effort made by districts will be evaluated by the State Education Department, which will post grades on its website. According to superintendents in the state, educators who refuse to comply could lose their licenses.

While many parents and educators are more than willing to do what is necessary to control bullying both in schools and online, some school board members and superintendents across the state claim that this law, which is slated to take effect tomorrow, goes way too far. They also complain that they have not been given the additional resources it will take to meet the demands this law will place on their schools.

Richard G. Bozza, executive director of the New Jersey Association of School Administrators said, “I think this has gone well overboard. Now we have to police the community 24 hours a day. Where are the people and the resources to do this?”

In general, schools are using their guidance counselors and social workers to take on the role of anti-bullying specialists. While this may seem like the best alternative, it raises concerns as to whether they have either the time or experience to investigate every complaint of harassment or intimidation as well as filling out the detailed reports that are required, all the while fulfilling all their usual job-related obligations.

An additional concern of some administrators is whether making the schools legally responsible for bullying both in and out of school will make them more vulnerable to complaints and possible lawsuits when students and parents are not satisfied with the outcome of their investigations.

To prepare for the implementing of this law, thousands of school employees spent part of their summer attending training sessions, and more than 200 districts purchased a package compiled by a consulting firm that includes a 100-page manual and a DVD. Cost of the package? $1,295!

Some of those who attended left feeling, like Meg Duffy, a little overwhelmed with the mandates of this new law. A counselor at the Hillside Intermediate School in Bridgewater, she said that there had been an increase in cyberbullying at her school last year, with students texting and/or posting mean comments about other students. These are the kinds of situations this new bill would demand that schools get involved with as well as bullying at school.

Districts are also required under this law to appoint a safety team including teachers, other staff members, and parents at each school. Their job would be to review complaints. It also requires principals to begin investigations of reports of bullying within one school day of the bullying episode. Superintendents need to provide reports to Trenton two times a year which contains details of all of the bullying episodes their district deals with each year.

One district that is taking this law very seriously is the East Hanover district. They have partnered with Crimestoppers, a program of the Morris County sheriff’s office, with the intent of making the reporting of bullying easier. But the fact that Crimestoppers will accept anonymous text messages, calls, or tips to its website is a little frightening. These anonymous tips will be forwarded to schools and local police officials.

This district is spending $3,000 to train its staff, including coaches, cafeteria workers, custodians, and substitute teachers. Joseph L. Ricca, the district’s superintendent, said, “We really want to be able to implement this new law and achieve results.” But he added, that the law’s “sheer scope may prove to be a bit unwieldy and may require some practical refinement.”

 “The whole push is to incorporate the anti-bullying process into the culture,” Lucila Hernandez, a school psychologist, said. “We’re empowering children to use the term ‘bullying’ and to speak up for themselves and for others.”

At North Hunterdon High School, students will be learning that if they see bullying, they have a responsibility to try to stop it because there is no such thing as an innocent bystander.

Dr. Margaret Dolan, the Westfield superintendent expressed concern that, due to this new law, both parents and students may find it easier to call minor disagreements bullying, instead of trying to find ways to work out their differences. 

 “Kids have to learn to deal with conflict,” she said. “What a shame if they don’t know how to effectively interact with their peers when they have a disagreement.”

Now, I must admit, as much as I advocate developing stronger anti-bullying policies in our schools, this law seems so big and so unmanageable that I fear it is going to create chaos. There is simply no way that every single reported incident of bullying is going to be handled within a day by already overworked principals, and that superintendents will be able to find the time to fill out the detailed reports on every incident that is investigated. These expectations are unreasonable when no additional resources are being provided.

The other huge problem I see with this law is the reporting, just as Dr. Dolan said, of every frivolous disagreement between students, which would further inundate the specialists and principals in an avalanche of reports to be investigated, making it difficult or impossible to get to the serious incidents of bullying that really do require intervention.

Finally, the idea of taking anonymous tips is extremely problematic. I am sure that some kids will use this opportunity as it is intended; to report incidents of bullying that they would be afraid to admit to publicly. But you can’t tell me that some wouldn’t view this as the perfect opportunity to get back at someone they harbor a grudge against by calling in a bogus tip just to get that person in trouble, or maybe even to take the spotlight off of their own bullying.

I am all for tougher anti-bullying policies in our schools, and I believe the intent of this law is commendable. I just fear that it is such an overwhelming venture that the likelihood of its success is bleak. I would hope that, if it does prove to be too wide in its scope, future revisions might make it more manageable and more successful.

Good luck New Jersey! I would not be upset if you prove me wrong!

Bullying, Teacher's Unions, teen suicide Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights, Bullying, cyberbullying, New Jersey schools, Tyler Clementi

How many of us would willingly lose money at work, if by doing so, we could send a clear message to bullies that their behavior is unacceptable? Well, Jennifer McKendrick, a small business owner, put her paycheck on the line to do just that!

Jennifer is a photographer in Indiana County, Pennsylvania, who is employed by many parents to take their children’s senior pictures. She told Channel 4 Action News’ Ashlie Hardway that she was on Facebook one night and discovered a locally-made page promoting bullying of some of the local high school seniors. When she noticed that some of the bullies were girls who she was supposed to photograph, she decided that, not only was she not going to take their senior pictures, but she was not going to take pictures of any “ugly” people anymore.

Jennifer told Hardway, “I don’t want to photograph them, I don’t want them to be a part of my business image and I don’t want them on my blog. It was beyond ‘your clothes are ugly’ or ‘you don’t have any brand clothes’ or ‘you are ugly, your hair is not right.’ It was vicious. It was talking about sexuality.”

The page identified certain students by name and attacked them. (Cyberbullying at its ugliest!)

Jennifer took screen shots of the online comments, sending them to the four girls’ parents with the following message:

“I am writing to cancel your shoot scheduled _________ due to some recent events brought to my attention. After stumbling upon a Facebook page called (name removed), I witnessed mean and cruel behavior coming from _______. I am returning your depositing of $212.00 and I’m afraid will need to find another photographer for your daughters senior photos. I want to protect the image of my business and the mean and hurtful things she has said on there is not the type of client I want to represent my business. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and I hope you understand my reasons for doing so. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss this matter any further.”

“I got a couple responses that said ‘thank you for letting them know,’ that they were unaware what was going on and that they would take care of it,” Jennifer said. 

Jennifer also blogged about the incident on her website explaining why she did what she did and declaring that she would not photograph anyone who behaves this way to other people. The blog, titled “I Won’t Photograph Ugly People,” explains that after Jennifer saw the Facebook page, she posted the following comment on Facebook:

“If I’m wrong, please speak up. I came across a page on facebook that was created (by someone under a ficticious name) thats purpose is to bully,  ridicule and say mean and hurtful things about their class mates. While visiting the page, I found several teenage girls that have scheduled sessions with me for their senior pictures. I am emailing them tomorrow to cancel their shoots. I do not want them to represent my business and I am beside myself at how MEAN and CRUEL they were on that page.” (Clearly Jennifer was upset, as you can tell by her typos, which I will not correct in order to relay information exactly as it appeared.)

She stated in her blog that while she was writing the email she intended to send to the four girls’ parents, hundreds of comments began pouring in, most of them stating their total support and admiration for her decision.

She also stated in her blog that she clearly cannot screen every client to determine whether they are bullies, but that in this situation, “it was right in front of my face. I saw it with my own eyes.” And in order to explain her decision, she stated, “it wasn’t hear say, it was right there..with their smiling face right beside such an ugly statement. I couldn’t forget about it, I mean how I could spend 2 hours with someone during our session trying to take beautiful photos of them knowing they could do such UGLY things. Realistically, I know by canceling their shoots it’s not going to make them “nicer people” but I refuse to let people like that represent my business.”

She went on to say that since she is a small business owner, she has the luxury to make decisions regarding who she will photograph, and she boldly stated, “If you are ugly on the inside, I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos to make you look pretty on the outside!”

While Jennifer has received hundreds of comments supporting her actions, not all of the comments she has received have been supportive. In a follow-up blog on her website, she answered some of the negative questions which were raised regarding her decision.

In some instances, she reported that people had made “very mean, hateful, cruel comments.” In fact, some people, including four of her clients, accused her of being a “Facebook stalker who was using Facebook to prescreen or check out her clients.

Jennifer explained that the bullying Facebook page came to her attention when a former colleague of hers, who is a Facebook friend, posted a comment on her page, which Jennifer, as a parent of a small child herself, clicked on to read further. Here is what her colleague had sent her that tweaked Jennifer’s curiosity and led her to the infamous Facebook page:

“If bullying has ever affected your life in any way, please help in this very small way to reduce bullying in Indiana. Go on the Facebook page (left blank in Jennifer’s blog) and report it as inappropriate. It only takes a couple of minutes. And then say a prayer of compassion for the person who set it up.”

Jennifer explained in her second blog that when she went to the page her friend had posted, she discovered her four clients were involved in the bullying. She felt that taking these girls’ pictures would make her a hypocrite, “when they did such ugly things and it went against everything I am trying to teach my daughter.”

Some even accused her of being a bully themselves because she called these girls “ugly.” She blogged that she was clearly referring to their actions and not their physical appearance when she called them ugly.

She wrote, “People aren’t born mean, it’s something they are taught to do or that they do by CHOICE. They were making a choice to be mean and I was making a choice NOT to be part of it or to be part of my business. For those of you who say I should keep my personal beliefs out of my business because it makes me unprofessional. Then I will be unprofessional until the day my business fizzles. I sleep good at night.”

Additionally, some accused Jennifer of starting this whole thing for publicity. To this, she countered that she was writing, as she has done in the past, about her business and her personal beliefs, not for publicity. She wrote, “My original intent was not to go on an anti-bullying rally, but hey if that is the message that gets out there…is it THAT wrong. At least it got you talking about the subject, it opened up dialog for some people to talk with their children about it….is it really such a bad thing.”

Some criticized her for not releasing the names of the four girls, to which Jennifer responded, “We live in such small towns here in Southwestern PA, don’t you think by releasing those names I would in-turn be releasing the media and internet onto them completely defeating the purpose. I mean, if I’m getting mean and hateful things said about me for STANDING UP for something I believe in, can you even imagine what would happen to these 4 girls? As much as I don’t LIKE what they did, I do have compassion and empathy and I would never do that to ANYONE.”

And some accused her of depriving these four girls of having their senior pictures in their yearbook. Unlike the high school my children attended, where students all had to go to one photographer for their senior picture to be placed in the yearbook, Jennifer explained that she isn’t the contracted school yearbook photographer, in fact, there are many photographers in the area for them to choose from, so these girls can still get their senior pictures taken and placed in the yearbook.

I am sure it will come as no surprise to you, in light of my numerous blogs regarding bullying in our schools, that I not only applaud Jennifer McKendrick, I salute her! The courage it took to choose what is right over padding her own bank account speaks volumes about this woman’s integrity. And if it brought some publicity that helps in both the fight against bullying and her photography business, I’m all for both!

This story makes me wonder what would happen if more of us took a stand against bullying in our own spheres of influence? Educators alone cannot battle bullying. That old saying, “It takes a village…” comes to mind. It takes more individuals of integrity, like Jennifer McKendrick, to stand up proudly and declare that they refuse to buy into or cater to bullying anymore, no matter what the personal cost.

What do you say? Are you willing to be a Jennifer McKendrick in your own community, whether at work or at play? Are you willing to take a personal risk for the greater good?

It will take a village to stomp out bullying! Are you willing to play your part?

Bullying, Teacher-World's Blog cyberbullying, Facebook, Indiana County, Jennifer McKendrick, Pennsylvania

A very interesting story out of the UK reports that children aren’t the only ones subjected to online bullying; a surprising number of teachers are as well. Here are the facts gathered from a research study by Plymouth University.

Professor Andy Phippen, who teaches at Plymouth University, questioned almost 400 teachers earlier this year on behalf of the UK Safer Internet Centre regarding the issue of cyberbullying, and his findings were rather startling. Around 377 professionals were surveyed directly and 35 helpline cases were analyzed, and the information gathered showed that 35% of those who participated acknowledged that they or a colleague had been a victim of some form of online bullying.

The forums chosen for bullying ranged from abusive campaigns on Twitter to postings on Facebook accounts. But here is the most surprising finding; 72% of the bullying was perpetrated by students, but the other 26% was instigated by parents!

Pippen told Huffington Post UK, “Everyone acknowledges this is a problem and something needs to be done about it, but schools lack support. It is a sticky area as some of the things posted may not be considered illegal.”

During Pippen’s questioning, teachers told of Facebook groups, chat rooms, Twitter accounts, and other online sites that had been set up to berate and insult them. And the walls and protection the Internet offers increases the viciousness of online attacks.

The other surprising information Pippen gleaned from his research was that schools, in general, were not very supportive of teachers who reported that they were being cyberbullied. 

“If you have a member of staff feeling isolated or depressed, which are often the symptoms of bullying, they will turn to senior management. I heard of one case where a teacher told his employers about the bullying and not only did they tell other members of staff to ignore this teacher, they also suspended him. Their reasoning was ‘there is no smoke without fire,’” Pippen reported.

He went on to say, “The parental statistics were particularly surprising. Schools are definitely playing down the severity of the issue, whether it’s because they just don’t realize, or because they don’t know how to deal with it.”

One of the headteachers he questioned told of a parent at her school who launched a 12-month campaign on the Internet, posting potentially libelous untruthful statements about her teaching practices.

“I eventually had a mini breakdown in the summer holiday and needed an emergency doctor to be called out-as I had become suicidal. I had intensive support from the mental health unit via my GP,” the unnamed teacher reported in the study.

Professor Phippen is asking for a nationwide support network to deal with the problem of this type of cyberbullying, saying, “I think coordination and consistency in this area would be incredibly helpful. Schools are giving knee-jerk reactions to a complex issue which needs addressing.”

Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the National Union of Teachers in the UK (NUT) is reminding teachers to refer to their guidelines if they are the victims of cyberbullying. I have provided a link to these guidelines, which provides dos and don’ts such as:

• You should not post information and photos about yourself publicly you wouldn’t want colleagues, pupils or parents to see.
• You should not befriend pupils on social networking sites.
• You should not personally retaliate to any incident.

Pippen’s personal comment regarding his research is the best way to end this blog, as he states what I would have said much more succinctly. Here is what he had to say:

“It seems, to a subset of the population, the teacher is no longer viewed as someone who should be supported in developing their child’s education, but a person whom it is acceptable to abuse if they dislike what is happening in the classroom. We live in a society where we expect teachers to be subjected to this abuse. It simply is not acceptable. We wouldn’t let a child verbally abuse a teacher in the playground-why should it be allowed to happen online?”

Amen!

Bullying, Teacher-World's Blog cyberbullying, Plymouth University, Professor Andy Phippen, UK Study

Have you seen 14-year old Rebecca Black’s music video “Friday”? If you haven’t, you need to follow this link to understand what I am blogging about today.

Rebecca started this past school year in Orange County, California, like any other 13-year old, but all of that changed in March. That was when she starred in her first music video, “Friday,” with the financial backing of her mother who paid $4,000 to have music producers write the song and make the video, which was then posted on YouTube. Her mother claims it was the best $4,000 she had ever spent because over time, it has hit 167 million views.

Not all of the attention she has received as a result of her music video has been supportive, however. While “Friday” launched Rebecca’s career, it also launched huge debate over whether it was the worst song ever written. Some of the worst comments include: “Her song ‘Friday’ is one of the worst songs I have ever heard in my entire life, even deaf people are complaining,” “my ears are bleeding,” and “her voice sucks.”

I must admit that the lyrics are repetitive and, at some parts, quite cheesy, but she didn’t write the song, and it was her first experience in the music industry. Is there no room for kindness here?

Parodies of her musical video hit the internet. Celebrities even got in on the act. Taylor Hicks, a former American Idol winner, and Conan O’Brien joined in the mocking on television.

But, as the ABC reporter interviewed Rebecca about the harsh criticism she has received, she sits calmly with a smile on her face and finally says, “They can say things like that just to get to me.”

And ever since her video aired on YouTube, Rebecca admits that she has faced a multitude of bullying, with kids at school mocking her song by singing it with a nasally voice, or saying things like: “Oh hey, Rebecca, guess what day it is?”

Then there’s the cyberbullying, where she reads messages such as: “You’re so fat,” “You’ll never be pretty,” “You suck at singing,” “I hope you go die,” and “I think you should get an eating disorder because that will make you prettier.” (I can only chalk this up to jealousy, as she is a beautiful girl, or just plain stupidity!)

The teasing became so relentless, that Rebecca and her mother decided to withdraw Rebecca from her school, and her mother has become her teacher, too.  When her mother was asked by ABC News why she pulled her daughter from school, she explained, “It’s hard to go to school when you are so famous and to have kids constantly making fun of what’s going on.”

Rebecca may have escaped the bullying at school, but she remains a target online. In fact, CNN’s I-Report website briefly carried a fabricated story that she was pregnant at the age of 13. Rebecca responded, “Waking up to a rumor that you’re pregnant is not fun! It’s just frustrating because I, I mean, I’m still excited over my first kiss!”

Most alarming of all is the fact that Rebecca has even received death threats! The FBI is currently involved in investigating some of these threats.

ABC’s reporter acknowledged that Rebecca seems very grown up about the whole situation. Rebecca responded, “I’ve had a lot of experience with not being liked. I think if I hadn’t had to deal with that in the past, then I totally would have handled this differently, and I would have gone done in burning flames. But I’ve learned that you just can’t let it get to you!”

While Rebecca has been harshly criticized, she also has some staunch supporters. Simon Cowell, for one, who told People Magazine that he “loves her and the fact that she’s gotten so much publicity.” He went on to say, “People are so upset about the song, but I think it’s hysterical.”

Katy Perry invited Rebecca to star in her own music video for “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” and she joined Perry onstage last week on her Los Angeles tour stop, where the two joined in a duet to Rebecca’s “Friday.”

And Lady Gaga defended her saying, “I say Rebecca Black is a genius, and anyone that’s telling her she’s cheesy is full of %#*&!”

She also won a Teen Choice Award and has made enough money with her music to put herself through college. She is using what she earned from her first musical video to finance her second. Appropriately called “My Moment,” this song is a perfect rebuttal to those who have teased, taunted, and maligned this very mature, sweet, young lady.

Rebecca explained what made this song so personal to her, “The first line is, ‘Weren’t you the one who said that I would be nothin’?’ which is basically saying that to everyone out there that has said that. And the next line is, ‘And now I’m about to prove you wrong’ because I am! I am worth something, and I will be big!”

I admit that I was both captivated by Rebecca’s innocence and her fighting spirit. This is a young girl who has faced some horrific bullying, enough to make her leave her school, but she has learned “you just can’t let it get to you.” She has my support, and I will use her as an example to my own students about how to rise above bullying and be the victor.

Rebecca Black is worth something, and I hope she will be big!

Bullying, Teacher-World's Blog "Friday", "My Moment", Bullying, cyberbullying, Rebecca Black

This will be my final blog in the series I have been reporting on regarding cyberbullying. Again, if you haven’t already done so, I would recommend that you go back and read the previous two blogs to get some background for this one which will deal with schools and what they can do to tackle this form of bullying.

I apologize that due to technical difficulties, I was unable to pull up the Cyberbullying Research Center report on what role schools should play to battle cyberbullying. However, I was able to find information from the National Center for Mental Health Promotion and Youth Violence Prevention which I felt would be just as helpful. If you are a teacher, I would encourage you to read the report from the Cyberbullying Research Center on your own as well.

First, it is important to note that this is a difficult form of bullying for schools to deal with since it usually takes place outside of school. Regardless, since cyberbullying has become so prevalent and the affect on its victims can be so devastating, there are actions that experts suggest schools should take to join in the effort to stop cyberbullying.

The first step according to the National Center for Mental Health Promotion and Youth Violence Prevention is to figure out to what degree cyberbullying is an issue in your school or in the district. It suggests surveying students regarding their level of exposure to cyberbullying using input from students, parents, school staff, and computer techs to devise the right survey for your school or district.

The center suggests establishing an anti-cyberbullying task force consisting of the principal, school board attorney, disciplinary officer, and both a parent and student representative to get a fuller understanding of the problem and to develop some anti-cyberbullying proposals.

Through the information obtained from the survey and with the help of the task force, develop an awareness campaign for teachers, school staff, students, parents, and the community at large to talk about what cyberbullying is and its different forms, as well as how it can be stopped or prevented within the authority of the school. Web sites such as Stop Bullying Now! are helpful tools for spreading the word about bullying.

Get kids actively involved in creating a policy which spells out how to appropriately use the school’s technology. The AUP (Acceptable Use Policy) should clearly state what constitutes cyberbullying, prohibit the use of the Internet for bullying, devise strategies for preventing and stopping cyberbullying, and lay out the consequences for violations of the policy. The center recommends that the policy provide consequences for cyberbullying occurring outside of school if it affects the well-being and safety of the victim while they are in school.

Teachers should educate their students to avoid, respond to, and report incidents of cyberbullying. In these discussions, it is important to explain the negative consequences of cyberbullying, which include school discipline, civil litigation, or even criminal prosecution. Students need to learn to refrain from giving out private information and to report any forms of cyberbullying that they either experience or witness firsthand.

Schools need to educate their staff in regards to cyberbullying through professional development and guidance from school counselors. Teachers should all be aware of their school’s AUP and the actions they should take if they suspect cyberbullying is taking place.

Coordinate your school’s efforts with those in the community, and invite local police and law enforcement representatives to come into your classrooms to talk and answer questions about cyberbullying. Even local Internet service providers might be willing to send a representative to explain their company’s regulations against cyberbullying.

Get parents involved by educating them about the forms cyberbullying takes and explain how their children might be affected. Have them sign an AUP along with their child, agreeing that they won’t use the computer to harass others, and ask them to be responsible and watchful at home to insure that their children are using the Internet appropriately. (This was touched on in my blog yesterday.)

The center recommends trying to coordinate consistent cyberbullying prevention education with all other schools in the district from primary to secondary schools.

Finally, the center suggests that your school system reviews state laws related to bullying. They recommend visiting the website, Bully Police USA, for a compilation of state-by-state legislation, and they suggest that you petition state legislatures to add a cyberbullying component to laws that prohibit traditional bullying if your state does not already have that component spelled out.

I’ve taken a significant amount of  time with this subject due to the prevalence of this form of bullying and its destructive results. I plan to spend much of health time at the beginning of this year addressing bullying in an attempt to get the school year started off positively. We will spend a large portion of that time discussing cyberbullying, and I plan to use some of the above suggestions as I create this unit.

Schools need to get much more proactive when it comes to dealing with all forms of bullying, and that means teaching our children that bullying is wrong and will not be tolerated in our schools. Please join me in spreading that message!

Bullying, Teacher-World's Blog cyberbullying, National Center for Mental Health Promotion and Youth Violence Prevention, schools, teachers

I wanted to follow up my earlier blog this morning concerning the survey done by the American Osteopathic Association. (You might want to go back and read my previous blog to understand why I am delving a little deeper into the sensitive subject of cyberbullying.) My goal with this blog is to speak directly to parents as I share some important information for them from the Cyberbullying Research Center.

 “What is the Cyberbullying Research Center?” you might ask. According to their website, “The Cyberbullying Research Center is dedicated to providing up-to-date information about the nature, extent, causes, and consequences of cyberbullying among adolescents.” It is a great resource for both parents and teachers to enable us to better read the warning signs of cyberbullying as well as providing insightful advice regarding what to do when it is suspected.

With your indulgence, in this blog, I will primarily be addressing parents regarding what I learned from this report, and my next blog will address teachers and schools.

If you are a parent, you might be asking, “How will I know if my child is the victim of cyberbullying unless he tells me he is?”

According to this report, there are warning signs which should set off some signals for you. If your child suddenly stops using their computer or cell phone, or is nervous or jumpy when they receive a text or email, they may be victims of cyberbullying. Cyberbullied teens may also appear uneasy about going to school or even about going outside, may be angry, depressed, or frustrated after using their cell phone or computer, may be uncommunicative about what they are doing on their cell phone or computer, or may begin to withdraw from their friends and family.

Some of you might be saying, “I know my child isn’t being cyberbullied, but I suspect they may be cyberbullies. Are there any signs I should be looking for?”

Yes, according to this report, there are signs to look for. Kids involved in cyberbullying may quickly switch screens or close programs when you are near, get excessively upset if their computer or cell phone privileges are revoked or restricted, go out of their way to avoid discussing what they are doing on their cell phone or computer, or have multiple online accounts or an account that isn’t even theirs.

According to the report, “…if a youth acts in ways that are inconsistent with their usual behavior when using these communication devices, it’s time to find out why.”

Okay, so parents, let’s say that you have observed some of the first set of behaviors I described from this report, and you are beginning to suspect that your child is being cyberbullied. What do you do?

First, the report states the obvious; make certain that your child knows that they have your unconditional support, and that they are safe and secure. Convey the clear message, through both words and actions, that you want the cyberbullying to stop as much as they do. Work together, asking for their perspective and input, to develop a course of action that is agreeable to both of you.

If you feel it is necessary to involve the school, explain to your child that it is important to set up a meeting with the principal or a teacher that your child trusts in order to make the school aware of the cyberbullying. If you feel that it would be beneficial, you may want to contact the father or mother of the guilty party to make them aware of the situation and garner their support in your efforts to stop the cyberbullying. Other suggested contacts are the Internet Service Provider, Cell Phone Service Provider or Content Provider to investigate the issue or to have them remove any offensive material. Most importantly, if any physical threats were made or you have knowledge that a crime might have been committed, the police must be involved.

The bottom line is this, “Victims of cyberbullying (and the bystanders who observe it) must know for sure that the adults who they tell will intervene rationally and logically, and not make the situation worse.”

Now, what if you are a parent who discovers that your child is a cyberbully; what do you do?

The report says to first have a conversation in which you communicate how their behavior affects their victim. Make sure they understand that they are causing real pain and harm. Consequences should be firmly applied based on the seriousness of the incident and whether your child truly understands the pain that their actions triggered. Obviously, if the behavior continues after this first confrontation, consequences need to be tougher.

What about those incidents where the cyberbullying was particularly severe? It may be time to install tracking or filtering software on your child’s computer, or remove all technology privileges for a length of time. And keep checking your child’s Internet and cell phone activities to make certain that they have learned to behave responsively with regard to technology devices.

The report makes some valuable suggestions for educating children early on about the appropriate behavior when they are online. It suggests that parents devise an “Internet Use Contract” as well as a “Cell Phone Use Contract” which reflect those positive morals and values that are taught in your home regarding how we treat others. The contracts should make it clear what is acceptable behavior and what is not when using these devices.

Now, here is something I love; both the child and the parent must agree to the terms of these contracts, and the contracts should be posted in a visible place. Violations to the contracts should be met with immediate consequences appropriate to the offense.

Finally, the report emphasizes the necessity of monitoring your child’s activities, especially in the beginning, when they are online. It suggests informal monitoring by being an active participant in their online activities or through monitoring software. Keep those lines of communication open and honest so that they know they can come to you if something unpleasant or distressing occurs when they are interacting on either their computer or cell phone.

Set the tone early and consistently about appropriate behavior online and on cell phones. Be ready to teach and reteach what is allowed, and lead by example. If your children see you using your computer and cell phone responsibly and respectfully, they are more likely to take your lead.

Above all, be watchful, be open, and be aware of what your kids are doing on their computers and cell phones. Being proactive may keep you from having to be reactive.

Bullying, Teacher-World's Blog cyberbullying, Cyberbullying Research Center, parents

On July 11, the American Osteopathic Association released the results from a survey they conducted on cyberbullying. I felt that the results of this survey might be of interest to parents and teachers, so let me explain what the survey revealed.

First, let me explain that osteopathic medicine is similar in most respects to traditional medicine except that an osteopathic doctor (DO) believes in a “’whole person’ approach to health care. Instead of just treating specific symptoms, osteopathic physicians concentrate on treating you as a whole.” 

The American Osteopathic Association conducted a survey of more than 1,000 parents who have teenagers between the ages of 13 and 17 regarding cyberbullying. Cyberbullying is defined as the taunting or spreading of rumors about a peer by one or more people online. This form of bullying has become extremely popular among all children, but particularly with this age group, due to the popularity of online social media like Facebook.

The survey revealed that more than half of the parents of teenagers (52%) reported being worried about cyberbullying. And with 85% of these parents confessing that their teens had social media accounts, perhaps there is reason for concern.

According to Dr. Jennifer Caudle, who is both an osteopathic family physician and bullying expert, parents should be concerned. “While bullying through physical intimidation has long been a problem among teenagers, cyberbullying by using computers and smart phones to send rumors or post cruel messages has become more prevalent in recent years,” Caudle stated in a news release. “Even though there might not be physical injuries, cyberbullying leaves deep emotional scars on the victim.”

There were three rather disturbing highlights of this survey. First, one in six parents knew that their child had already been the victim of a cyberbully. Second, in the cases which were reported through the survey, the cyberbullying was never a one shot deal; it occurred repeatedly. Third, and this is truly alarming, according to the parents surveyed, some of the kids who were being harassed or teased online were as young as 9 years old! Finally, the survey showed that the worst offenders of cyberbullying are girls! It is actually twice as common among girls as it is among boys, with girls accounting for two-thirds of the reported cyberbullying. Which explains why 75% of the parents polled felt that cyberbullying was a greater concern for girls than for boys.

Caudle reported that cyberbullying can lead to “anxiety, depression, loss of interest in socializing, aggression toward others the victim can bully, poor academic performance, and suicidal thoughts.” Sadly, we have all heard about young people who have committed suicide due to relentless cyberbullying.

Ninety-one percent of the parents surveyed felt that they were the ones responsible for preventing the long term effects mentioned above, not their child’s teacher. Upwards of 75% said they have talked about cyberbullying with their kids, and 86% have even joined the same online social network as their child in order to keep a closer eye on their teen’s interactions. Finally, two out of three parents monitor the security settings on their child’s social media accounts.

About one in seven have told their child they are not allowed to have a social media account, but since these sites can be accessed through smart phones or other mobile devices, this is probably not the best way to monitor cyberbullying. However, the survey did reveal that about 97% of the teens who have social media accounts access them through their home computer.

My next blog will discuss the warning signs parents may want to be looking for which may indicate that their child is being cyberbullied, what they can do if they find out that their child is being cyberbullied, and what schools can do to help prevent cyberbullying.

Bullying, Teacher-World's Blog American Osteopathic Association, cyberbullying, social media networks

The family of a middle school student in Prairie Village, Kansas, is so fed up over the relentless cyberbullying their daughter has experienced from classmates at her school that they are ready to enroll her elsewhere in order to protect her.

Janice Lewis, seventh-grade Desiree Pugh’s mother, told KCTV News that even though she has had many meetings with teachers, counselors, and police from the fall till now, nothing has changed at Indian Hills Middle School, which is part of the Shawnee Mission District School System.

Desiree said that the bullying started in the classroom when a student told her she wanted to smack her. Desiree said that she asked her what she had done, and from then on, this girl has been angry with her. Now, what started out in the classroom has moved to social media where as many as 18 kids send her messages which are filled with threats of violence against her.

Desiree’s Facebook post says, “I’m just sick and tired.” And Janice Lewis feels the same.

In an emotional interview, Lewis stated, “Her behavior has changed. Her grades are not A’s and B’s but C, D and F’s. I just feel I can’t get back any of that. I’m sorry, it bothers me.”

Principal Carla Allen said it is “sad” that the family feels they need to move because of the intensity of the bullying. “We can’t control what’s happening outside of school. The drama isn’t happening from school. What’s happening is when people come to school the next day after what was posted the night before and they are angry.”

While Allen agreed that social media intensifies the arguments kids get into, limiting a school’s options, she said that she feels the district’s harassment policies do not need modifying and that the bullying issue is controlled at their school.

Desiree’s parents, however, feel that the school should be doing more to help their daughter. “She told us she didn’t want to live anymore, if this doesn’t stop,” Lewis said, “I just want to give up.”

The family has filed a police report to try to stop the cyberbullying. In the meantime, they face a difficult decision regarding how best to protect their daughter. It is a shame that having their daughter start all over in a new school might be their only option.

Bullying, Teacher-World's Blog cyberbullying, Desiree Pugh, Indian Hills Middle School, Janice Lewis, Kansas

What makes bullying different today than when we grew up with bullying? This is a question I have been pondering a lot as the rash of suicides seems to increase and even Hollywood is speaking out against the bullying of individuals who are gay or lesbian. So why are we hearing more about people coping with bullying by committing suicide?

One possible explanation is that it is an issue which is currently prominently in the limelight, therefore, people feel more comfortable being honest about the cause of their loved one’s suicide. In the past, a family’s problems were considered private and often covered up. So it is hard to say how many suicides might have been a result of bullying, especially of gays or lesbians. Today, with Facebook, blogging, internet, twitter, etc. our world has become so public. People feel very comfortable putting what would have been considered intimate personal and family details out there for all the world to read and see. Consequently, I think we hear more than we ever heard in the past about suicides and why they occur.

The only other explanation I can think of is that cyberbullying has taken this issue to a higher level than ever before. In the past, there were certain places you were most apt to get bullied and, with luck, you could go out of your way to avoid some of those places. Schools were common sites for bullying, and while you couldn’t avoid school, you could do your best to avoid those places in school where you were most likely to run into bullies. And you could always count on your own house as a place of refuge. But now, bullying can literally follow you everywhere thanks to the internet. I believe this is a major factor in the increase of suicide due to bullying. Now the bullying follows you home through your computer so that there is virtually no escaping the humiliation and fear that accompany these attacks. Knowing that people are posting terrible things about you on the internet, or even exposing a life-style that you have not admitted to must be devastating.

With all of the attention bullying is getting through the media, this is the perfect time to get serious about dealing more severely with bullies and providing coping mechanisms for those who are facing bullying. A week ago, the television series Private Practice confronted this issue. The episode was about a boy who had been bullied so frequently that his mother had moved him from school to school. He finally had enough, as she had threatened to remove him from his current school, and he tried unsuccessfully to kill himself. When his counselor talked to him in the emergency room, he spoke to him about the bullying he himself had survived as a teenager. He said that he had survived the ordeal by telling himself to hold on because it would get better. His life would not always be ruled by the bullies who tormented him. The message was hopeful and so important. For most people who experience bullying things do get better. I appreciated the sensitive way this issue was dealt with on this show.

We all know that bullying has been around forever, but I think kids today are dealing with a more intense bullying than ever before. Therefore, it is time for more intense solutions especially as it pertains to cyberbullying.

Bullying, Teacher-World's Blog Bullying, cyberbullying, suicide